Make the best of every moment

This is so very true especially right now. My grandfather had 2 strokes in the past month. I've been battling with myself internally for a while now just over come with emotions from everything that December has thrown at us.

We came home earlier to see my grandfather in the hosptial. Nothing hurt more then to see your grandfather sitting there with this blank stare.

His stroke caused a lot of cognitive damage. He was decent when we first saw him. At a glance it would seem all was the same. Then you started to pick up on little things. How he'd not know words, how upset he'd get. If you were talking to someone else he'd perk up like you were speaking to him. The therapist said he can fool all of us into thinking he knows what's going on, when really he doesn't.

My grandfather has always been a conversation starter. When we sat there I was stuck I didn't know what to say. In my head I didn't know if mentioning anything from the past would be forgotten, or if I mentioned the present I didn't know if he'd even realize who I was.

Our family was extremely blessed to have him home for christmas. He reminded me of a lost puppy. His hand clasped to my grandmothers at all times.

His comfort was in her and her alone. It was sweet yet so sad to watch. His blank stare seemed worse at christmas but at least he was there.

Today we heard that he is getting worse each day. Before at least he'd remember daily on goings. TOday he forgot my brother visited only 3 hours prior. Then come to find he hadn't noticed my grandmother coming to visit (3 times a day) he actually though he was visited by a man. ( My brother asked him if he'd seen my grandmother when he went to visit him.)

I've never had to go through this with a grandparent as I was to young to understand when my grandmother passed away more then 18 years ago. It's tough to think/ know that the man you once knew will probably never come back. Again at least he's still with us. I will never say that is a bad thing. But it sucks to see a 'shell' of the man you once knew. To see him so helpless and know you are a bystander who can't do anything in anyway to help him get better.

This christmas really showed me the value in the word family. I always knew it but this Christmas I FELT it. It was a comfort blanket that set my heart at ease. This is one Christmas I will truly never forget.

I hope you were all blessed to spend the Holidays with those you loved. Remember that each day is a gift. Tomorrow is never promised. So tell those you love that you love them each chance that you get. They deserve to know they are loved and you deserve to give that love and know what it feels like.

Cheers.