Make the best of every moment

This is so very true especially right now. My grandfather had 2 strokes in the past month. I've been battling with myself internally for a while now just over come with emotions from everything that December has thrown at us.

We came home earlier to see my grandfather in the hosptial. Nothing hurt more then to see your grandfather sitting there with this blank stare.

His stroke caused a lot of cognitive damage. He was decent when we first saw him. At a glance it would seem all was the same. Then you started to pick up on little things. How he'd not know words, how upset he'd get. If you were talking to someone else he'd perk up like you were speaking to him. The therapist said he can fool all of us into thinking he knows what's going on, when really he doesn't.

My grandfather has always been a conversation starter. When we sat there I was stuck I didn't know what to say. In my head I didn't know if mentioning anything from the past would be forgotten, or if I mentioned the present I didn't know if he'd even realize who I was.

Our family was extremely blessed to have him home for christmas. He reminded me of a lost puppy. His hand clasped to my grandmothers at all times.

His comfort was in her and her alone. It was sweet yet so sad to watch. His blank stare seemed worse at christmas but at least he was there.

Today we heard that he is getting worse each day. Before at least he'd remember daily on goings. TOday he forgot my brother visited only 3 hours prior. Then come to find he hadn't noticed my grandmother coming to visit (3 times a day) he actually though he was visited by a man. ( My brother asked him if he'd seen my grandmother when he went to visit him.)

I've never had to go through this with a grandparent as I was to young to understand when my grandmother passed away more then 18 years ago. It's tough to think/ know that the man you once knew will probably never come back. Again at least he's still with us. I will never say that is a bad thing. But it sucks to see a 'shell' of the man you once knew. To see him so helpless and know you are a bystander who can't do anything in anyway to help him get better.

This christmas really showed me the value in the word family. I always knew it but this Christmas I FELT it. It was a comfort blanket that set my heart at ease. This is one Christmas I will truly never forget.

I hope you were all blessed to spend the Holidays with those you loved. Remember that each day is a gift. Tomorrow is never promised. So tell those you love that you love them each chance that you get. They deserve to know they are loved and you deserve to give that love and know what it feels like.

Cheers.

Weight Loss: Comfort in Company, not food.

This post is geared towards those individuals with weight issues. This is just a small topic I will touch on when it comes to the big big world of weight loss. Parties and big social events. This is advice from someone whose currently going through a weight loss journey.

Parties are filled with many finger foods and often at times alcohol and hi sugar drinks. What I have come to realize is my personal obsession with food on an entirety.

I realized as I went to our weight watchers meeting 2 weeks ago that every time the word "Party" has ever been mentioned in my life I automatically think "what will they be serving. Will the food be good. Will there be enough?". The worst part always came with actually going to the party. A girl at our meeting said something that made a light bulb go off in my head. She said "I finally realized that a party isn't about the food it's about the people. I realized it had nothing to do with the food. When I realized this I was able to actually have a fun time instead of obsessing over what to eat and what I couldn't eat.". This thing we have is literally an obsession, we obsess over it so much that it tends to take over the meaning of what party means. I would literally sit at parties as that beautiful girl at the buffet took another piece of cake while her figure remained flawless. I obsessed over the fact that she was having something I couldn't have. I found myself never truly satisfied at the end of the night.

This year with my new found mind set I will be focusing on the company not the comfort food. I will be satisfied because I choose to have that strawberry without chocolate covering on it. I choose to have that piece of grilled chicken over the saucy stake. I will choose to enjoy what I eat and take the value out of having a healthy life style and changing who I am. Because others can do it never has meant I can do it. I have always known this but was just to involved with what others had instead of being happy that I am an individual and I can beat this thing called over weight. It starts one step at a time.

Weddings : Such a huge industry

As each year passes the wedding industry gets bigger and bigger. When watching 'Rich bride / Poor Bride' they'll often bring on older couples and the general going rate that they spent on their wedding. I'm astonished to hear numbers lik 2,000 - 8,000 MAN DO I WISH! While I realize we have to account for 'some' inflation in the price lets be honest here weddings cost an arm and a leg when in reality they shouldn't.

Many brides have come to this realization as well and have started to look for other means to get a better 'bang' for their buck. With the internet being such an amazing resource this allows brides to shop around. Heck they can even YouTube some DIY ideas that will save them a lot of money in the end.

I always said if I knew now about all the things I could have DIY'ed my wedding would have been very different then it was. Not to say my day was bad by any means but there were parts where we could have made it a bit more unique. Our inviations could have been tri folds, our program fans could have been better designed, menu cards and table cards for guests. With that in mind I want to stress to any brides reading this. Even if you don't have a single crafty bone in your body with technology being what it is, this makes it possible for you to do an easy step by step craft taht will make you feel proud of what you made in the end. Also another great community that I will always suggest is Etsy.com. The wedding industry is flooded with HUGE cooperation who in general don't really take each individual customer into thought and give each customer the type of attention and personal feeling each deserves. With etsy most of the sellers are so very personable. Each product is hand made and made with delicate care. The customer service is the same person putting together your items. You can bargin and people are more apt to listen to your story and give you a deal where you may need it.

What am I babbling about really? Stop paying cooperation thousands of dollars for something that may cost them a total of $100 dollars to make and have roughly $50 worth of labor on them. Small companies are the way to go, many of the realize how outragous these prices are for brides.

That or DIY.

In the next few months I will be making a DIY website. This will be filled with an array of useful links for Brides to DIY their own items. Even those who aren't creatively gifted.

I truthfully feel that a $8,000 - $10,000 wedding is attainable. Just because it doesn't cost $20,000 + doesn't mean it won't look that way and then some.

So my rambling and incoherent rant is done for today. I promise to be more on track :D

If you would like to ask a question to me and have it answered here please feel free to comment with your email address. Please note the answer will not always be what you want to hear and as the title clearly states.. Advice hold the sugar. Please note this as a fair warning when submitting your questions.

Micheal Jackson Dies: A post of Remembrance

Micheal Jackson's death came as quite a shock to many of us. At first it was stated that he was revived but then later on in the night reports were confirmed that indeed he was dead. This will probably be one of the most controversial deaths in a long time to come along side the most devastating death to the music, and dance community along side many of MJ's fans world wide.

While I get many think 'Yay another molester dead' Lets stop to realize what his death actually marks for the music and dance community. I may get thrown rocks for saying this but if your child was molested don't you think for a second you'd NOT take the money and have the man who violated your son prosecuted. Many can point fingers but the truth of the matter is and was he was never found guilty. So while I understand how some are sour at people mourning his death that's because we lost a truly amazing Music man.

I for one feel blessed to have been living in this era to say I was alive when the 'King of Pop' lived. I couldn't say that for Elvis and was never truly influenced by his works but I did sing along to some of his most famous tunes. With that being said MJ surpassed his sales and his overall popular songs.

The thing that makes the person special is how we view them in our hearts. The impact they had on our lives and the legacy they left behind. It's not about MJ being a celebrity FAR from it. Micheal Jackson was more than a 'celebrity', he was to music what Picasso was to painting, and Da Vinci to Inventions. He was to dance as Shakespeare was to the writing community. He will be remembered always as a man who revolutionized music. The thing that many of us cling to in times of need, music is all around us as is dance. He helped to bring a world culture together. Take a look at some of his music videos including Black and white. He incorporates all different cultural dances in there. He wasn't a celebrity he was an icon an inventor, and the people said it best the "King of Pop".

I still get this exhilarating feeling when I hear the beginnings of "The Way you Make Me Feel" Come on I know at least one of you reading this did the "he he's" and had your feet yearning to dance to the beat. I still get soo uplifted when I hear the "Free Willy Theme Song' it brings an emotional boost to my ear. He always sang about conflicts within our society and tried and succeeded to a point to bring the faults together and to try and make us become one.

He was a world icon one whose music will always remain in our hearts and will always play on the Radio.

This is to the King of Pop.

RIP!

Hitched or Ditched: Does Mom always win?

So I have been watching a few episodes over the past month and I have to say I'm interested in this show. The only part I hate is seeing the ending I've seen three shows with 2 break ups and one actual marriage. For those of you who don't know what the show is basically what happens is a friend of the couple writes into the show stating their friend or brother/sister should be married and within a weeks time. They start off by giving the couple an invitation to their own wedding with in a week. In that time they are to notify their parents, pick out the ring, everything is pretty much done for them, pick the dress and at the ALTER say I do or I don't.

Now while I'd be all for this two elements are taken out of the wedding 1. the proposal from the man or women. and 2. When I walk down the isle I want it to be once and I want to know the man at the end of the road will end up saying I do as well.

This past show really got me thinking. While other couples on the show show signs of immediate relationship problems that are to do with them and their readiness to get ready. This time it wasn't that. You could see this couple was soo ready but they were climbing a mountain to get to their happily ever after. Their main problem was family. Dominantly the guys mother who was threatening suicide if he went through with this and that she'd slit her wrists as he went down the isle and then he'd have to pick between his mom and his hopefully soon to be wife. He was a mama's boy through and through as he sat there and let his mom tear a piece out of his girl. This girl I can see if she was being rude to her but every chance she got to speak she was stating how she didn't harbor any resentment or hurtful feelings towards her possible Future mother in law (it was something the mother seemed to think). She was soo nice to his mom and trying to be respectful but the mother wasn't having any of it and hit the drama key.

Now onto my thoughts. Would you EVER let family influence who you spend the rest of your life with? I think it's ok to take suggestions. And I think it's ok for others to give their opinions on the matter but not ultimately try to force a decision. I feel that if my family couldn't accept the person i wanted to spend forever with then that is something they'd have to get over not me. Every couple has problems but I feel some times parents are weighing in TOO heavily on their son or daughters happiness. Sure they can say they don't agree but they don't need to take it to the extent this mother did. Ultimately they stood at the alter and the boy (in my eyes that's what he is) said to his beautiful bride "I love you but not today" He couldn't go through with it because everyone stood against their marriage. To me I say who gives a flying fig? Use that as your motivation to prove them wrong. Unless you too believe that maybe this isn't right. But for heaven sakes don't lead the other person on.

I respect my parents and love them but I wouldn't let anyone come between my chance to be happy and live a life with an amazing man. They should respect my wishes and love me ultimately no matter what decision I chose.

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."

This is a quote that I have heard many times. Every time I hear it I seem to relate more and more with it. As you get to a point in your life especially with love you look back on the past and start to notice certain things. The people who were in your life at the time they were you realize what an impact they had on you. And yes this is even referring to the pain and heartache. Relationships are a game of chance. Some times you get lucky the first time around while others have to go through 5 or more relationships to finally settle on what it is they truly need in a boyfriend, girlfriend or friend. Every person teaches us something about ourselves be it if we're too trusting, dont' love enough, are very caring and some times too honest, or that we shouldn't wear our hearts on our sleeve. Irregardless it's like testing the waters to see who we fit with and who fits into our lives, our ideals and who gives us that positive life that we're looking for. With myself I have learned that I like to have different types of friends. I have extreme friends, meaning those who have strong opinions and are set in their ways while on the other spectrum I have soft and shy friends, who aren't outspoken agree with what you say and try not to hurt you or pry into your life.

We only learn this through Trials and tribulations. Love is another thing. I had dated tall 'bad boys' all my life and I guess I never realized it till I was with my fiance that the bad boys just weren't working. I learned that it's ok to love but sometimes that others aren't as open to that love as I was. While others have taught me that trust is a thing earned never given right away. But with any situation we learn and we grow. The pain sucks but it helps build our characters help shape us into who we are, our ideals of who we actually want in our life etc. They perhaps bring things out of us we never knew was there. One of my Exes turned me onto writing which in turn really helped to release my more creative side that I never really addressed before then. Without that 'inspiration' I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.

I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. I appreciate everyone that's been in my life for they've tought me a lesson one way or another.

Does Being with A person Validate who you are?

I was asked this question not to long ago and it took me aback for a second because I started to realize how many people rely on their Significant other. Some women and men find it hard to be without someone in their lives. These are the type of people whom you see always dating someone one after the other. I began to realize that some people had thought that being with someone defined who they were.

My take on this topic is the following. I think being in a relationship is an added bonus. We should define who we are on our own. You can only really validate the true you by knowing you, loving yourself unconditionally so that you are able to resonate that validation in yourself and confidence in your abilities as an individual, lover and partner. You should never need anyone to validate you or who you are. If any one does then they need to search to find themselves as an individual and on their own. How can one expect someone to truly know them for who they are if they themselves don't even know who the true them is?

Take a look in the mirror. See that person staring back at you? Do you know them? Do you love them? When you look in the mirror is anyone standing next to you on either side? It's just you and the mirror and that individual staring back. Say hello, shake hands and introduce yourself. Ok not litterally but you get what I mean.

Not everyone is able to find themselves at the same time. More often than not that's a journey that each individual sets out to do at different points in their life. Some it just comes naturally others find comfort in hiding. For myself it took a while before I could honestly love me, love me for me and not apologize to anyone for how I was. See when your content with yourself you validate that that's who you are real and honest to the core. Does that honesty get you in trouble. Of course it will but at the end of the day your left with who you are. Don't beg for forgiveness or apologize for one second that you may be a bit Bitchier than others, or shy and very soft spoken. Take solace in the fact that many actually wish to be where you are. Comfortable in your own skin. The validation comes from within, then the people around us support who we are and remind us almost daily of it. Sure being in a relationship is nice but you should never use it as a form of trying to validate who you are, or who you wish to be. All those changes can only be made by you, some times inspired by others but always change comes from within. When your ready for it, on your own time.