I was asked this question not to long ago and it took me aback for a second because I started to realize how many people rely on their Significant other. Some women and men find it hard to be without someone in their lives. These are the type of people whom you see always dating someone one after the other. I began to realize that some people had thought that being with someone defined who they were.
My take on this topic is the following. I think being in a relationship is an added bonus. We should define who we are on our own. You can only really validate the true you by knowing you, loving yourself unconditionally so that you are able to resonate that validation in yourself and confidence in your abilities as an individual, lover and partner. You should never need anyone to validate you or who you are. If any one does then they need to search to find themselves as an individual and on their own. How can one expect someone to truly know them for who they are if they themselves don't even know who the true them is?
Take a look in the mirror. See that person staring back at you? Do you know them? Do you love them? When you look in the mirror is anyone standing next to you on either side? It's just you and the mirror and that individual staring back. Say hello, shake hands and introduce yourself. Ok not litterally but you get what I mean.
Not everyone is able to find themselves at the same time. More often than not that's a journey that each individual sets out to do at different points in their life. Some it just comes naturally others find comfort in hiding. For myself it took a while before I could honestly love me, love me for me and not apologize to anyone for how I was. See when your content with yourself you validate that that's who you are real and honest to the core. Does that honesty get you in trouble. Of course it will but at the end of the day your left with who you are. Don't beg for forgiveness or apologize for one second that you may be a bit Bitchier than others, or shy and very soft spoken. Take solace in the fact that many actually wish to be where you are. Comfortable in your own skin. The validation comes from within, then the people around us support who we are and remind us almost daily of it. Sure being in a relationship is nice but you should never use it as a form of trying to validate who you are, or who you wish to be. All those changes can only be made by you, some times inspired by others but always change comes from within. When your ready for it, on your own time.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Wedding planning out in the open
Since I'm soo inspired by this wedding thing I figured I'd get as much out of it while I'm still engaged and going tough the process.
This blog is to shed some light on when is too much information to give on your wedding.
Being a bride and getting married is an exciting ordeal. WIth technology advancing and friendships able to last thanks to Myspace, high 5, facebook etc. We're able to reconnect with those we never thought possible. WIth that some times it gives everyone too much information on your life. Updates are always given whenever something is done to your profile. With that some people are soo excited that they fee to these areas to announce their new status and even their wedding plans immediatly. Without thinking we forget that we haven't told our parents yet we've just changed our status on Facebook and next thing you know you get a call from your mother in tears because Sarah your friends mother called to congratulate your parents on their daughters engagement.
Ladies think before you change. It's an exciting time but be sure to notify those who deserve to know first. Understand that it's disappointing to hear about yoru son or daughters through friends instead of you.
Next topic at hand is the need to post ideas on facebook or myspace through your profile. I've known a few brides who forgot that their FH see their profiles and accidentally have seen their dresses through their photos. Some brides don't mind which is really a preference and these days tradition is seeming to be less and less seen in weddings. Along the same lines of photos is brides want to post their photos and ideas on facebook while this is totally a brides choice I'd tend to think that a wedding should be a bit of a shock and aww thing. My opinion entirely and a bride chooses to do what one wants. The problem arises when we get shocked because Betty down the street is copying your wedding to a T. We neglect to remember that we've posted all our ideas for them to see and can easily take the ideas especially when you post (these are my flowers, this is my dress, these are my bridesmaid dresses, this is our cake)
Advice is always good and usually needed so we get a different perspective. For those brides I'd have to suggest weddingbook on facebook. You get great advice but don't have to worry about sharing your plans with all your friends. Of course unless they have this application as well then I guess we all need to be careful if we find our plans to be that sacred. I love using photobucket and find it to be a little more secretive and less stalkerish because you can create the profile and no one would know about it unless you publically posted your link or gave it out to individuals.
Please remember with these amazing things also comes the downside. Being able to share information instenatiously is great but can also make it easier for those jealous, katty brides to copy.
To those who copy you. Laugh and think how funny it's going to be when the other girl looks back on her wedding and can't describe it other than it was the exact same as Lucy's. Take it as a compliment that you have SUCH good tastes ;) Trust me if you've broadcasted everything in your wedding others swill notice this whether or not they attended your wedding.
Be careful and remember if you don't want the world to see your pictures don't post on the internet keep it safe on your computer. Send pictures via msn or other messaging systems to keep it as safe as you possibly can.
Happy planning to all you brides :)
Sincerely,
Lemonaid
This blog is to shed some light on when is too much information to give on your wedding.
Being a bride and getting married is an exciting ordeal. WIth technology advancing and friendships able to last thanks to Myspace, high 5, facebook etc. We're able to reconnect with those we never thought possible. WIth that some times it gives everyone too much information on your life. Updates are always given whenever something is done to your profile. With that some people are soo excited that they fee to these areas to announce their new status and even their wedding plans immediatly. Without thinking we forget that we haven't told our parents yet we've just changed our status on Facebook and next thing you know you get a call from your mother in tears because Sarah your friends mother called to congratulate your parents on their daughters engagement.
Ladies think before you change. It's an exciting time but be sure to notify those who deserve to know first. Understand that it's disappointing to hear about yoru son or daughters through friends instead of you.
Next topic at hand is the need to post ideas on facebook or myspace through your profile. I've known a few brides who forgot that their FH see their profiles and accidentally have seen their dresses through their photos. Some brides don't mind which is really a preference and these days tradition is seeming to be less and less seen in weddings. Along the same lines of photos is brides want to post their photos and ideas on facebook while this is totally a brides choice I'd tend to think that a wedding should be a bit of a shock and aww thing. My opinion entirely and a bride chooses to do what one wants. The problem arises when we get shocked because Betty down the street is copying your wedding to a T. We neglect to remember that we've posted all our ideas for them to see and can easily take the ideas especially when you post (these are my flowers, this is my dress, these are my bridesmaid dresses, this is our cake)
Advice is always good and usually needed so we get a different perspective. For those brides I'd have to suggest weddingbook on facebook. You get great advice but don't have to worry about sharing your plans with all your friends. Of course unless they have this application as well then I guess we all need to be careful if we find our plans to be that sacred. I love using photobucket and find it to be a little more secretive and less stalkerish because you can create the profile and no one would know about it unless you publically posted your link or gave it out to individuals.
Please remember with these amazing things also comes the downside. Being able to share information instenatiously is great but can also make it easier for those jealous, katty brides to copy.
To those who copy you. Laugh and think how funny it's going to be when the other girl looks back on her wedding and can't describe it other than it was the exact same as Lucy's. Take it as a compliment that you have SUCH good tastes ;) Trust me if you've broadcasted everything in your wedding others swill notice this whether or not they attended your wedding.
Be careful and remember if you don't want the world to see your pictures don't post on the internet keep it safe on your computer. Send pictures via msn or other messaging systems to keep it as safe as you possibly can.
Happy planning to all you brides :)
Sincerely,
Lemonaid
Friday, January 9, 2009
Race to the Alter
In lue of the movie 'Bride Wars' I thought I would touch on the topic of marriage and how some brides view this day. As much of Bride wars is a comedy it speaks the truth of what society has come to think of marriages. Within it's comedy layers lays some truth in how some brides can be.
DISCLAIMER: Please note I am not saying every Bride is like this. I'm shedding some light on the not so pleasant side of weddings.
_____________________________________________________________
So you've got your venue booked, the wedding is now 8 months away and your bridal party is picked. Man are you ever on 'cloud nine' until that dreaded phone call. Your future husband looks your way and says "An your bridesmaid Julia is on the phone." Excited to talk wedding you hear those words. No 'hello' only screams "I"M ENGAGED!" . You try your best to be happy but some how you find yourself fuming in anger. How could Julia be engaged when she's only been dating her boyfriend for all of 6 months and it took you 3 years to get Peter to even admit you wanted to be together forever. How unfair is this. To top it off she says "We're getting married this year!". You think to yourself I'd be more than happy if she were engaged and not getting married the same year as me. I mean after all we were engaged before them. And the third and final bomb shell is deployed.. "We're getting married 2 months before you".
Shocked and beside yourself you say "Congrats?"
Inside your head is playing out ways to sneak into her room and strangle her this very instance. The battle replays over and over backdoor, roof entrance, trumpets and horns. Her highness has arrived.
You are now angry with her more than you've ever been in your life. She's engaged after 6 months and how dare she plan to get married before us. She should wait her turn in line. Go after all the engaged couples before her.
Truth is when you told her you were engaged. She was ecstatic, she screamed with you and let you get the excitment off your chest. What do you offer her.. "Oh Congrats"
________________________________________
Alright so that was to the most extreme way (the strangling part) but the rest rings true. I have been apart of forums which involve engaged individuals and this is a topic that is constantly brought up. Women come on the forums asking for advice on what they should tell their BM who just got engaged. How you should tell her that she shouldn't be getting married before you and Johnny boy.
Truth is Brides can be so self centered they refuse to see past their own wedding and dread anyone so much as taking away from their lime light. This includes family pregnancies. You got it some Brides were outraged that someone dare got pregnant during the planning process because heaven forbid it would take away from their lime light for the next 8 months. Brides ache to have it last as long as they can and the prospect of sharing a year or a month is unheard of and simply disgusting in their eyes.
This is the advice I have for those individuals. Who feel the year, month or week is solely reserved for them. GET OVER IT. You have one day and one day only. When all of a sudden did your wedding and your happiness matter if someone is getting married before you. With divorce rates at an all time high and we still wonder why? It's in our eye sight yet refuse to see it. People are taking weddings as a race to the Alter. Spend more energy on what others are doing and how they're doing it instead of focusing on what matters most. There is one thing and only one thing a bride should concern herself with... That's that she get's to marry her solemate, she gets to start forever in his arms at that point where they say 'I do'. Where has the definition of weddings gone why has it become this huge competition.
Even if a friend does have the same wedding month often at times brides will try to one up another. Seriously stealing ideas, dresses, wedding dresses. Just to say their wedding was better than the other persons.
You want to know why my wedding is going to be the best when I get married. It will be because of one reason and one reason only. Because of the man standing at the end of the Alter.
Cherish that day.. that moment for it is one day you will never get back and wish you hadn't spent so much time worrying about others happiness. Share the happiness with your friend, be happy that they are at the same point in their life that you are. That they've found someone like you have where they want to spend forever with. Be happy for those who are always emensly happy for your life and what happens in yours. Give to them what they've given you. An amazing friend, push jealousy aside and be happy that others are just as happy as you.
To all the ladies who aren't like this Thank you :) May you all have many joys in the planning process and those who have already had a wedding may your marraige flurish and may you continue to have all the happiness in the world.
DISCLAIMER: Please note I am not saying every Bride is like this. I'm shedding some light on the not so pleasant side of weddings.
_____________________________________________________________
So you've got your venue booked, the wedding is now 8 months away and your bridal party is picked. Man are you ever on 'cloud nine' until that dreaded phone call. Your future husband looks your way and says "An your bridesmaid Julia is on the phone." Excited to talk wedding you hear those words. No 'hello' only screams "I"M ENGAGED!" . You try your best to be happy but some how you find yourself fuming in anger. How could Julia be engaged when she's only been dating her boyfriend for all of 6 months and it took you 3 years to get Peter to even admit you wanted to be together forever. How unfair is this. To top it off she says "We're getting married this year!". You think to yourself I'd be more than happy if she were engaged and not getting married the same year as me. I mean after all we were engaged before them. And the third and final bomb shell is deployed.. "We're getting married 2 months before you".
Shocked and beside yourself you say "Congrats?"
Inside your head is playing out ways to sneak into her room and strangle her this very instance. The battle replays over and over backdoor, roof entrance, trumpets and horns. Her highness has arrived.
You are now angry with her more than you've ever been in your life. She's engaged after 6 months and how dare she plan to get married before us. She should wait her turn in line. Go after all the engaged couples before her.
Truth is when you told her you were engaged. She was ecstatic, she screamed with you and let you get the excitment off your chest. What do you offer her.. "Oh Congrats"
________________________________________
Alright so that was to the most extreme way (the strangling part) but the rest rings true. I have been apart of forums which involve engaged individuals and this is a topic that is constantly brought up. Women come on the forums asking for advice on what they should tell their BM who just got engaged. How you should tell her that she shouldn't be getting married before you and Johnny boy.
Truth is Brides can be so self centered they refuse to see past their own wedding and dread anyone so much as taking away from their lime light. This includes family pregnancies. You got it some Brides were outraged that someone dare got pregnant during the planning process because heaven forbid it would take away from their lime light for the next 8 months. Brides ache to have it last as long as they can and the prospect of sharing a year or a month is unheard of and simply disgusting in their eyes.
This is the advice I have for those individuals. Who feel the year, month or week is solely reserved for them. GET OVER IT. You have one day and one day only. When all of a sudden did your wedding and your happiness matter if someone is getting married before you. With divorce rates at an all time high and we still wonder why? It's in our eye sight yet refuse to see it. People are taking weddings as a race to the Alter. Spend more energy on what others are doing and how they're doing it instead of focusing on what matters most. There is one thing and only one thing a bride should concern herself with... That's that she get's to marry her solemate, she gets to start forever in his arms at that point where they say 'I do'. Where has the definition of weddings gone why has it become this huge competition.
Even if a friend does have the same wedding month often at times brides will try to one up another. Seriously stealing ideas, dresses, wedding dresses. Just to say their wedding was better than the other persons.
You want to know why my wedding is going to be the best when I get married. It will be because of one reason and one reason only. Because of the man standing at the end of the Alter.
Cherish that day.. that moment for it is one day you will never get back and wish you hadn't spent so much time worrying about others happiness. Share the happiness with your friend, be happy that they are at the same point in their life that you are. That they've found someone like you have where they want to spend forever with. Be happy for those who are always emensly happy for your life and what happens in yours. Give to them what they've given you. An amazing friend, push jealousy aside and be happy that others are just as happy as you.
To all the ladies who aren't like this Thank you :) May you all have many joys in the planning process and those who have already had a wedding may your marraige flurish and may you continue to have all the happiness in the world.
Welcome to the Beginnings
Hello my name is Lemonaid and welcome to the first post of 'Advice: Hold the sugar'
I have been on many online communities over many years and have given mounds of advice to many individuals. With that being said I thought it was time I started my own blog on some of this advice.
Advice: Hold the Sugar is as plain and in your face as you can get. I am a firm believer in never sugar coating the truth. Especially when I'm on a diet ;). Sometimes the advice I give isn't always right but in my own mind it is. I don't believe in beating around the bush and try to get right to the point in what I give advice on. Most of the advice I give pertains to love and romance. The good and the bad sides to it.
The thing about me is you could be my closest friend or a total stranger and if you ask me for advice I will always give the same answer. I do not hold back for a friend just as I wouldn't for a stranger. The way I see it is if I'm to ask someone for advice I'm looking for nothing more than the truth. No matter if it hurts or how I may not like the advice offered its still the truth.
If you have found some joy in the blogs to follow and wish to have advice given to you. Please message me on my blog and I will do my best to be honest. Please note that the beginnings of these blogs are previous individuals looking for advice. I am not mean and will try to answer your questions as best I possibly can with the information given.
Till then I wish you all a happy and safe new year. Welcome to what may be your daily dose of reality :D
Call this an open casting call for those who seek nothing but the honest truth. If you can't handle the truth please I beg you for your sake don't request advice from me :) Dear Abby would be better suited for those needs.
Sincerely,
L
I have been on many online communities over many years and have given mounds of advice to many individuals. With that being said I thought it was time I started my own blog on some of this advice.
Advice: Hold the Sugar is as plain and in your face as you can get. I am a firm believer in never sugar coating the truth. Especially when I'm on a diet ;). Sometimes the advice I give isn't always right but in my own mind it is. I don't believe in beating around the bush and try to get right to the point in what I give advice on. Most of the advice I give pertains to love and romance. The good and the bad sides to it.
The thing about me is you could be my closest friend or a total stranger and if you ask me for advice I will always give the same answer. I do not hold back for a friend just as I wouldn't for a stranger. The way I see it is if I'm to ask someone for advice I'm looking for nothing more than the truth. No matter if it hurts or how I may not like the advice offered its still the truth.
If you have found some joy in the blogs to follow and wish to have advice given to you. Please message me on my blog and I will do my best to be honest. Please note that the beginnings of these blogs are previous individuals looking for advice. I am not mean and will try to answer your questions as best I possibly can with the information given.
Till then I wish you all a happy and safe new year. Welcome to what may be your daily dose of reality :D
Call this an open casting call for those who seek nothing but the honest truth. If you can't handle the truth please I beg you for your sake don't request advice from me :) Dear Abby would be better suited for those needs.
Sincerely,
L
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